Let the memories stay beautiful

"Why are you going away?", Aarit asked me.

"There is a point where we should stop, there is a point where going forward might taint everything we have or it would be nice to say we had between us," I paused and looked at his face once again unable to decide whether it is a right thing to do or not but continued, "and I believe that today is that day where we should stop, not go forward and call it day. Let the memories stay beautiful so that when we remember each other we smile."

I said and never turned to him again.

My name is Arshini and Aarit was my boyfriend. We loved each other to the extent that we never did anything stupid like slitting veins of our wrists, obviously. I believe that no one dies by slitting their veins of wrists, but they should try slitting throat.

We met at a book reading session in New York City. He was an avid writer and I was an avid reader. He was weird and I was beautiful. He was scattered and I was sophisticated. He never lied and I seldom spoke the truth. We were perfect for each other. I was getting bored sitting there and he was enjoying it like anything. I looked at him and he did not bat an eye. I broke the ice and he was well behaved to acknowledge politely. The conversation ended with us in bed over each other in all the possible manner at my place. He was two years younger to me, but the way he made love was way beyond anyone to imagine; I was 23 back then. He was good  in bed, very good to be honest. And the author's name was John Green, thought you all would like to know which author's session.

He used to blog and I used to review his blogs. He was quite popular amongst the netizens. We became quite friends; yes! we became friends after making out. He was busy writing and I was just busy. We never met after 'that' and that's how we became friend because of his blogging. We chatted for long hours, discussed issues, helped each other in difficult times, but I hid something from him which eventually led to our break up, and he still is unaware why I broke up with him.


It was in a blink of eye when I recited I love you too to him, but it required a lot of courage to tell him that I was committed to someone else as well and eventually I didn't tell him that. That person too loved me and I loved him too, but it was Aarit who changed the entire equation and from then it was not that simple. I knew we were getting closer, I knew that the moment will come when he would ask for it, but I couldn't stop myself from stopping him, and when the day came I obliged. It was pure love. I was in love already but he made me feel different. We met at several places, and we made out each time we found the place and the opportunity and if we couldn't, we created the one. There was no wall or floor in the New York City which was not colored either by my palm prints, belly prints or knee prints.

I started feeling guilty. I thought of leaving Aarit, but I loved him, and thought of leaving the other person who loved me so dearly never crossed my mind. I was in a flux and it was complex than it could ever be. I had spent some of the most beautiful moments with both of them, and the fear of something would happen like this ever again made me confused. I was not able to leave neither Aarit nor the other one. And one fine day, I decided I had to make myself clear; I stopped listening to the chaos going inside my heart and started listening to it's voice, and it said something to me.

"You love Aarit, he loves you, you love the other person as well and he loves you more than you could imagine. Aarit trusts you, and the other one is an epitome of trusting anyone in times like now. You have betrayed both of them, and there is no denying that you don't love any of them, but sometimes telling the truth is the most difficult thing to do, and it may ruin all the moments you had with the person. So, just don't hurt them by telling the truth or keeping them in your lie: leave them and let the memories you shared stay beautiful because if the memories get tainted, they will haunt you for a lifetime. Let the memories stay beautiful." It emphasized on the last five words' sentence and I was relieved. 

Karma!!!

“Why are you leaving me?” She questioned with authority and pain in her voice.

“I am not leaving you, I was never with you,” I replied holding her hands to make her calm.

“But, don’t you love me?” She asked with innocence but also as if she was impaled.

“Why would I love you?” I was shocked, “and there’s no reason to love you or be with you.”

She was stoic but started, “We were through thick and thin, I was the one who helped you stand, I was the one who took care of you when you were going down,” she sobbed, “and now you’re leaving me.”

She was wrong.

“How could you leave me, how could you not love me after all this?” She was still crying and it was inflicting pain on me.

I was not able to make her understand and neither I was able to understand what she was going through. One thing was very much clear that she loved me and I didn’t; she liked me and I liked her too. But what can I do?

She let me go, and I was happy. I came and started working, leaving her, without even asking her how was she, being afraid if she would again start the same nuisance, but at the same time I thought, ‘was it really a nuisance?’; I stopped giving my mind to it and moved on.

After five months:

‘Hola! Up for the dinner?’, a message from my bae.

‘Oh yeah!’, I replied and we were on for the date.

We went for dinners, parties, clubbing, climbing, trekking, and you name it, it would be on the list. She was going through a bad phase when I entered into her life, I helped her stand and made sure she would never fall again. We stayed like best of the best and on one fine day we were in relationship. It was all her smile that mattered to me, her freedom that she lost long ago, and I made her regain all of that. Everything was going perfect until ‘that day’:

“Arit! I need to talk to you. Could we meet over the dinner?” Her voice was stern, and it made me a bit afraid, because she was not like we-need-to-talk types girl, rather I was the one.

“Oh Yeah, sure, Beverly hills would do?” I asked hiding my fears.

“Hmm.” Disconnected.

“Why are you leaving me?” I raised my trembling voice.

“I am not leaving you, actually I feel like I was never with you,” She joined her palms to cover mine to calm me on the table.

“But don’t you love me?” I asked with innocence and I felt like I have heard these lines well before, but was not able to recollect where.

‘Was I wrong in asking this question?’ I pondered for a while.

“How could you leave me, how could you not love me after all this?” The first drop came out of my eyes.

“There’s no reason to leave you and I can’t explain you,” She resiled her hands, and her life.

I was stoic and impaled by her decision, but started, “We were through thick and thins, I was the one who helped you stand, I was the one who took care of you when you were going down,” I sobbed, “and now you’re leaving me.”

She was not able to make me understand and neither I was able to understand what I was going through. One thing was very much clear that I loved her and she didn’t; she liked me and I liked her too. But what could she do?

I felt like it was something that was happening once again to me, but I was at the receiving end.

I realized what was it: Karma.

When I had no reason to love my friend, or to stay with friend, the way she wanted us to be; Karma showed me that there is no reason to leave me or not love me, or to stay with me the way I wanted my girl to be with me.

The biggest gift that my friend gifted me was the ‘freedom’, and the same gift I gifted to my girl which she lost somewhere, and I didn’t want me to be the reason for the same. My friend let me free from herself and I let my girl free from myself.

If you love someone, let them be free of you, if they come back, they were yours, if not, they were never yours.

We mistake love or take love for granted for our beneficence over others. I learned it now: never ever make anyone be with you because of your beneficent act over them or vice versa.

And Karma is a bitch.

Peace in the Chaos

I was depressed, down, devastated, frustrated and failed. Yes, I truly was. I stopped laughing, being happy, and optimistic, but not anymore. Here's how I stumbled across peace in the mid of chaos and realized that failure, defeat, depression are not the end of life but they are very well a part of life.

My name is Aarit and I live in Bangalore, some people call it as silicon valley of India - I don't think so, and don't ask me why. I was just living a very normal life until one decision of mine turned everything into doom. I lost my job, lost my home, lost my only girlfriend, and lost my lovely bike. It all happened at the drop of a hat which didn't give me enough time to combat. I was not prepared for it, or was it my mistake that one decision of mine changed the entire scenario around me, but apart from all these things that I lost, the thing which I missed the most was the peace I had. I used to sleep well, never woke up half slept, never cringed over any of the Mondays, never sulked on my boss, never had fight with any of the colleagues, a good amount of passionate sex with my girl friend, good salary, and my bike which never ditched me anytime. I felt I was the most peaceful animal on this planet and was not aware of the fact that there is also another side of this peaceful life which was a flip side to me to which I never paid attention: the downfall side, the failure side, the depressed side and the frustrated side. So, what was that decision that took away all my happiness and peace, and why I am writing about that? Let's go back to one day of my life and see:

I work for Microsoft, and to be honest it is really a nice place to work if you want to work, apart from the fact that their phone sucks. I am a Data Scientist with no long hairs like scientist because my father still thinks that scientists are mad with long hairs; thanks to APJ Abdul Kalam's image one parent gets when they think of a scientist. I earn good and I live in my own house that I purchased few months ago with my hard earned money. I own a Ducati Scrambler and cult classic Indian Yezdi (Two Stroke - I love her). I am having a nice voluptuous girl friend with an ass to die for, good pair of assets which I never get my eyes off from, and too good in bed; she has a good face too, in case you start judging me. She works in Accenture and our Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are just food, movie, and love. Period. She loves me, her family loves me, my family loves her and of course I over her (ass).

So, what do you think about me? I am rich but not the richest, I am having house, might not be the biggest, I am having bike, might not be the fastest, I am having my girl might not be the most beautiful in the world, but I was peaceful. I was unaware of the fact that there is something called as failure, fighting, downfall, restlessness, noise,unfaithfulness to name a few. To me, world was where I was living: everything was perfect.

Here starts the story of my downfall: I thought of starting my own venture and just took a risk, and that risk costed my all the things that I mentioned above. I staked my house and took a loan: my first mistake. I started a venture without any back up or security to fall back on: my second mistake. When everything started falling apart, I was not able to accept my failure: my third mistake, because I also accepted my success which I was completely unaware of (We all accept our success without any second thought) and was too adamant to accept my defeat. Because of my third mistake I was unstable and fought with everyone including my colleagues, friends, family, girl friend which resulted in losing my peace which resulted in sleep deprivation which in turn lead to peevishness which lead to several wrong decisions: my fourth and final mistake which acted as the final nail in the coffin. I was finished: job gone, home gone, bike gone, broke up with girl friend, because of which my peace was gone. I lost peace which resulted in losing peace.

Failure is the most beautiful teacher, and if you accept failure once, no other failure can come to you again. If you don't lose your peace in failure times you will never lose peace again.

So, I told you what decision I took that ruined my life and now the time to tell you why I am writing this.

I was waiting for someone on one of the busiest roads of Bangalore and it was totally chaotic, people were fucking each other with horns as if they are pressing the mammary glands of their spouses to vent out their frustration. It was very irritating. Suddenly I saw one boy on the other side of road trying to take the dare of crossing the road without any help. The boy was ataxic, suffering from arthrogryposis, knocked knees and bowed legs. I thought in mind that it will take him centuries to cross this fucked up road where traffic is not going to stop even for a microsecond. The next moment he zoom-past me making waves with his walking style. He stopped the bloody traffic with his palm facing towards the traffic coming out from his bent elbow, and I witnessed that his courage and will to stand against failure stopped the time and it was a serene moment for me. Why he was crossing the road in such a hurry? He wanted to catch the bus which will take him to his home and he didn't want any kind of special treatment for him. He didn't want to feel that people are looking at him with feelings of helplessness. He boarded the bus on time but usually he is in time. That chaotic moment gave me the peace I had lost. So, my why is to make you realize that I am not the one who faced this kind of thing and I am also not the one who stood again, but for those who are unable to, and also those who don't want to stand.

I realized that happiness in not in staying monotonous but being ready for what could happen to you the next moment and even if you're not ready, remember, you're not lost until you think you're.

I got back to my room, felt relieved. I found my peace in the mid of a chaos. Find your peace, do not and I repeat - do not ever let it go away from you.


To make you all happy; I know most of you would have seen this video but as this blog's name is associated with the word 'happy', I thought of sharing this video with you I got on one of my messaging app and it made me smile, and hope the same with you, uploading as it is: